Archive for July, 2011

Infertility Buddy

2011-07-12

I’ve got a good boss. Despite both having been my peer at one time and being younger than me she’s still a good boss. As bosses go I could have done a lot of worse. What makes me appreciate her more is her infertility. She is about my wife’s age and like my wife she has PCOS. You couldn’t tell it by looking her. She has no tell-tale signs. There is no masculine weight distribution and no excessive body hair (that I’ve ever seen). She and I have had long discussions about her struggle and our struggle. She knows the emotional toll infertility takes.

She’s pregnant now. Good for her.

Her pregnancy, I think, was one of the things that has prompted me to get our asses going with having children. I knew she and her husband had been trying. If I am being completely honest when she revealed to us at work that she was pregnant I had very mixed feelings. Part of me was genuinely happy. Part of me was jealous. Part of me was sad. Very very sad. Not only did this woman who was younger than me and beat me out for a promotion but she also got the one thing that made me feel…..at least equal with her. I was also sad because I lost my
“infertility buddy”. The one person at work who shared my pain.

To say she’s the only reason is a load of malarkey. To say she might have been the straw that broke the camel’s back might be closer to the truth.

The good news is we got a referral to a great fertility clinic. I checked their website and sure enough they hold a monthly seminar for new patients. I thought, terrific, this will get us jump started.

The Road to Daddyhood

2011-07-12

I want to be a Dad. I really want to be Dad.

I’m 41. I’m married. I don’t have kids. If you are my age or older (and you don’t have kids) you’ve learned to roll your eyes and bite your tongue every time someone asks you “Any kids? Why not” or grrrrrrr “What are you waiting for?”. I’ve been called a DINK (double income no kids) half a dozen times. It’s at the same time funny, tiring, embarrassing, and yes, painful.

If you’ve struggled with infertility you  know how I, no “We”, feel. I know there are a lot of women who blog about their struggles with infertility. There aren’t as many men that blog about those struggles.

Since I am so long winded and verbose who better than I to share the very blunt, direct, and brutally honest feelings of a man going through these struggles. If there are other men who are already blogging about this then please please leave their blog addresses in the comments below. Let me know I’m not alone.

At 41 (and my wife at 33) we’ve managed to live in denial for long enough that we woke up recently and said “holy crap, a baby is not going to magically fall into our hands.”  I feel like we woke up with a biological clock that is wired to 20 tons of TNT. Not to say, my wife is explosive, she’s not (well not usually). But what I’m trying to say is like a college student who realizes at 11 PM that a forgotten term paper is due the next morning, so my wife and I realizing how quickly time is running out.

There are medical issues. My wife has PCOS (Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome). That’s not to say it’s all because of her condition. We won’t know for sure until 2 weeks from now if it is her, me, or both of us. If you don’t know about PCOS look it up. Its a very common Endocrinol disorder. It grows “little chocolate chips” on my wife’s ovaries. At least that’s how her endocrinologist described it to her once. “But they aren’t really chocolate chips” her doctor added. Really? As if my wife really needed confirmation  the Keebler Elves weren’t sneaking into her kooch and hiding their secret stash.

Medical issues weren’t the only thing our way. There was also our arch enemy….the one true betrayer…..The Great P.

Procrastination.

Our own fault. Yes, I know. There were appointments we didn’t keep. Medications we didn’t taken the way we were supposed to. I’m not pointing fingers. It wasn’t only her medications or appointments. It was mine too. We lived on the daydream of adoption for over a year. We found a terrific organization. We got excited. Took the first couple of steps. Then managed to procrastinate until (because of my age) we slid past the age limit for that organization. Adoption is still in our future. We both do sincerely want to adopt.

I just feel like the door is quickly closing on the biological option. Its countdown time.

If it doesn’t happen then it doesn’t happen. I’m OK with that. I just want to be able to say we’ve done everything we could. We tried everything we tried.

So hopefully the posts in the following days will share the funny, blunt, embarrassing, sad, and true experiences as she and I work towards resolving our fertility issues. Come along with us. Wont’t you?